what do you do when giving up seems like the only option left
i have no more tears. i have no more emotions.
it’s too much.
i’ve dealt with too much this past year.
i just can’t handle anymore.
i don’t know anymore. i just really don’t know.
i can’t write what i want to write.
i hate all of you. i took the entire fall at homecoming. i didn’t get a single one of you in trouble. and i know sure as hell that a lot of you would have been in far more trouble than i was. sports wise, and with parents. you should be fucking grateful that none of you were in trouble. i never, ever got a single thank you. from any of you. and now you won’t let me go to prom? okay. good friends you guys are. you all are seriously so fake and talk so much shit about each other it’s ridiculous. you hate her one day and then the next day you guys are bffs and going on trips together. oh, okay because that makes sense. whatever. so done. only one more year in this hell hole. i can’t wait to get out.
being able to do a back hand spring doesn’t make you a gymnast.
being able to do a toe touch doesn’t make you a cheerleader.
being able to swim a lap doesn’t make you a swimmer.
being able to do a pirouette doesn’t make you a dancer.
being able to kick a ball doesn’t make you a soccer player.
being able to make a basket doesn’t make you a basketball player.
being able to cradle a ball doesn’t make you a lacrosse player.
being able to score a touchdown doesn’t make you a football player.
being able to pitch doesn’t make you a baseball or softball player.
being able to hit a ball doesn’t make you a golfer or field hockey player.
being able to do a figure eight doesn’t make you an ice skater.
being able to get on a horse doesn’t make you a horseback rider.
being able to serve doesn’t make you a tennis player.
being able to spike doesn’t make you a volleyball player.
being able to read music doesn’t make you a musician.
being able to hit notes doesn’t make you a singer.
what makes you what you are is the dedication and love you put into it.
you may have the skills, but do you have the desire?
that’s the difference.
the perseverance, the determination, the love for it, the passion.
i have dealt with so much this year it’s ridiculous. i’ve just been flying through all of it, but the truth is; it really has gotten to me. i don’t trust anyone anymore, i think everyone is judging me and/or talking about me behind my back. i feel left out of everything. i’m never told anything anymore or invited to things. they say i don’t try, but i am. but i feel ignored. and i’d rather isolate myself than put all my efforts in and get no result back. school is going down the drain, i don’t know what’s wrong. i just can’t get it together. and i’m scared. i can’t fuck this year up. it’s the most important. i have to get into college. i have to. if this year screws me over, i don’t know what i’ll do. i don’t even want to talk about the issues with friends. it’s just too much, and at this point, i honestly don’t even know. i can feel myself breaking down. i’ve built it up and now the wall is starting to crack. now i just wait and see what happens…
